Leave the House: The Drake

Tried it?      Yes

Liked it?      No

Drake, I want to like you for so many reasons. I’ve certainly given you enough chances to plead your case.

I think it’s great that you’re trying to revitalize the west-of-Queen-West area and push the crackheads out of Parkdale. I really do. I lived in the area for long enough to develop an affinity for the place. But do you have to be so painfully pretentious about it? And by pretentious, I mean… sorry… I can’t really put it any other way.

I’ve been by for a corporate party in the main lounge, a birthday shindig in the rooftop patio area, and live karaoke in the basement (they only seem to call up people they know, and multiple times at that)—and every time I’ve gone, I’ve been left with a mild case of hipster cooties and wondering what possessed me to go in the first place.

I feel so mean for saying all this. I’m sure you’re great for young kids who want to be seen in an arty/swanky atmosphere and for old types who want to be seen with said kids, but I just couldn’t get into your scene; it just seemed like such a concentrated effort to be unpretentious that failed, leaving your denizens to wallow in their own irony—and not in a witty way. Like the lead singer of a one-hit ’80s band who invites their Facebook fan club to his apartment and the 18-year-olds who think that, by hanging out with the guy, they’ll be cool like he once was, you just have an air of sad desperation about you. And if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people who try to hide their desperation behind a mask of hipster irony. Wear it loud and proud, for heaven’s sake!

On a positive note, your photo booth costs less than the one at Bloor Station… see? I thought of something nice to say. I just couldn’t leave things on a sour note.

It’s not you, Drake; it’s me. I just think you’re a bit of a DB, is all. Sorry.

Drake Hotel
1150 Queen St W
Toronto, ON M6J 1J3
(416) 531-5042

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